I stood perplexed, angry and flushed from embarrassment in between my friends and the host of schoolmates that had flocked around to see what was happening and probably to see if they could help ‘resolve’ the issue. While both of my friends ranted and insulted me at the top of their voices, all I could think of at that point was how I’d survive school without an ally. With the kind of after school flock that gathered around you would think I had committed some grievous crime that couldn’t be forgiven, all I had done was ask my friend whether the rumor about my other friends’ mom and dad being Christian and Moslem respectively, was true. Now that I think of this, it feels really ridiculous but at the time it was a very big deal.

I was in the middle of what I would call a hysteric crowd; my backstabber/betrayer friend who told on me and lied that I had spread the rumor, the other angry friend that sought to hack off my head with her harsh words and a belligerent crowd who were now evidently on the side of my friends. After failing woefully at explaining myself and wining the crowd over to my side, I walked home alone that day tearfully, feeling betrayed, angry and friendless. I had expected more from my friend, little as I was then I felt that she owed me loyalty, I didn’t expect her to divulge what I had told her in confidence and most especially not exaggerate it and lie just to get in the good graces of our other friend. This was nine-year-old me facing what I would refer to as my first significant relationship crisis.

Maybe it was my curiosity that sold me out or the fact that I had failed to directly confront my friend about the rumor that made it seem like I was gossiping and spreading rumors about her. Maybe I was wrong but I couldn’t, for the life of me, understand why someone I trusted to be a friend and to have my back would treat me in such a manner. That day I learnt one valuable lesson, that I would later in my life come to appreciate, which was never to expect so much from people. Though with more than one friendship crisis and this lesson constantly nagging at the back of my mind through the course of my life, I didn’t stop having friends or giving them a reasonable extent of trust and unquestionable loyalty, although admittedly, it took a little getting used to.

I have a friend that says life is all about taking blind leaps of faith and trusting the process, and I couldn’t agree more. There’s a risk inherent in opening up to people, learning to trust them, leaning on them and relying on them for emotional, physical and mental support. This means that you are going to start to need and depend on that person, and that person would become your ultimate go to, someone you expect to always be there and always have your back. But there is also a tendency to develop an unreasonable sense of expectation towards your friend that almost always has two roads and one destination; a sense of entitlement and overdependence which ultimately leads to disappointment and or disillusionment.

One of the things that keeps friendship or any kind of relationship is not lowering your expectations per se, but giving it a reality check. Can I reciprocate what I expect from this person? Am I being inconsiderate? Am I starting to feel too entitled? Am I asking for too much and putting pressure on the other person in the process? Do I or do I not actually deserve what I think I deserve? Getting too entitled is something most, if not all, of us are prone to, this is because often times, it happens subconsciously as a result of having to depend greatly on somebody.

The painful truth is, while there is some naturally imposed responsibility people in any relationship owe to each other, there is nothing except a sense of morality that binds them to adhere to that imposed responsibility, so simply put, nobody actually owes us anything. It is this sense of morality that is responsible for a person’s response or attitude in a relationship, (some have it a little less than others do) and that also can wane with time.

In essence dearies, put your expectations in check by finding a middle ground; don’t short-change yourself because you’re trying to be too careful and in the same way don’t destroy what you have with someone by feeling too entitled. With a sense of entitlement, you can never leave a relationship unscathed. As Dr. Steve Maraboli rightly said “A sense of entitlement is a cancerous thought process that is void of gratitude and can be deadly to our relationship”.

I hope you had a wonderful read. Have a lovely week, God bless.

I know a lot of people live by the rules of ‘let it go’ or ‘move on’. Some even say the earlier you face the hurt the easier it is to move on from it. Oh well, maybe there is a point to that. I know a ton of people that have rolled up their sleeves, adjusted their collars and moved out of bad situations so fast they stumbled into better days. But I’ve also seen people take this same advice and in a hurry to rip the bandage off, and let go of their past and pain, end up in way worse situations.

Let’s take a moment to appreciate God for the extra thick skin he gave the black man cause without it, the number of depressed black men would be ridiculously high. I have nothing against people that can with so much confidence and finesse, pick up the scraps and build something magnificent or in respect to the phrase ‘make lemonade out of lemonades’. Its admirable on all levels.

Personally though, I’m a fan of Time. I don’t believe that all fingers are equal and thus I believe that everyone should dance to their own tune. Only you knows where it hurts, and this gives you autonomy to sew your life thread by thread. There are no guidelines to letting go and moving on. As healthy as walking through the coals of the past is and as relieving as dropping a baggage is, the process is important.

There is way too much pressure on the polished end product of smiles, slaying brows and popping lips that no one takes a minute to appreciate the process. When the process is skipped, I personally feel that the end result is a walking time bomb waiting to explode. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for dusting your feet and focusing on the future; but most importantly I think all these should be done at each person’s pace without the unnecessary craving for perfection. In the real essence, it isn’t the hurt that should be let go, it is the pressure of rushing the process that should be let go. Don’t undermine people’s struggles and coping mechanisms; respect their process. This is in no way an accolade to self destructive life styles all in the name of ‘hurting’ ( we will deal with that later ya’ll). But signing out, I’ll say yes!!, Let it go! ( in Elsa’s voice), let as much pain and overwhelming emotions as you feel go, but always remember that the wheel is in your hand and only you determine your pace and destination.

I was lost in between pages.
Every flip took me deeper. I was dead to everything around,
Alive in another world, and from mere words I created images.
Now, I was a boy on a soul’s errand, trying to listen and follow the right sound.
A minute I was a shepherd tending to my sheep, happy and alive
The next I was in a desert, one with dunes and tormented by ghosts of the sand
Maybe it was the struggle to thrive and survive,
Or the quest for purpose and encounters with omens difficult to understand
Maybe it was the maps that held the treasure that was enthralling
Or the journey to a future unknown that was calling.

I was lost in the construct of my mind
Deep in thoughts it reflected on my countenance
Eager, under the sheets of my bed, to leave cruel reality behind
But it followed me and themed my alternate world, a callous dance
To a fantastic rhythm. Now I was a girl tormented by delays and terrible nights
No distractions to keep my mind in awe and at peace
Reality gnawed at me in the place of my escape, that was not right!
So I blotted out images and memories did I dismiss
Maybe it was the truth of this adventure that scared me
Maybe it was the fact that all was not peachy that chased me.

Flip after flip, fantasy after fantasies
I was open to the sadness and happiness of life
Aware of everything it held, all of its intricacies
Kind of like an old couple; how well the husband knows his wife.
Maybe I was wrong again, maybe I knew nothing at all
So like the boy, I listened to the language of nature
I hearkened to every sound, every movement and waited on her call
Maybe then I’d have a glimpse into the map, that ascertained the future
Maybe it was the uncertainty of life that kept me a-searching like those old sages
Maybe it was just pure curiosity that kept me in between pages

Like I ran in between books hungry for answers
My soul is on an errand to find purpose and relevance
But this waters are turbulent and I will need more anchors
This is a wild race not a strut or a walk exuding elegance
I hope I don’t lose faith, hope and heart
I hope I don’t get lost in temporary bliss and tawdry fun
I hope the distractions and down times don’t tear me apart
I hope to stay true to my pretention and continue on
I hope to discern my omens like the boy did
I hope to find my treasure like the boy did.

When I read the book ‘Alchemist’ by Paul Coelho I felt a different kind of connection to that book and now that I think of it, I know that it was because I was, and still am, at the same point the boy was; following his dreams in search of a treasure he wasn’t even sure existed. He encountered so many distractions but he continued on and struggled till he found his treasure. We are all on a search for purpose or in his case a treasure and we might encounter a lot of difficult times and dry spells but let’s remember that the journey to purpose is a tiresome one and only the fit can survive. This poem was inspired by the book ‘Alchemist’ which is a total must-read!

I pray we find answers to all our questions and I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Have a lovely week! 😘😘

So here’s a fun or not so fun fact people. 90% (I’m being nice) of the people you encounter in a day are angry or just frustrated. Well this might be an exaggeration but if we are being sincere and just take a moment to think this through, start from the shop owner down your street to the guy that fills up your tank and oh let’s not forget those super annoying attendees you meet at supermarkets and restaurants. It’s almost like the atmosphere carries layers of exasperation and we all just breathe it in.

Personally, I’ve had my own share of experiences with such people and I can’t count how many times I’ve walked out of a store with the wrong product or nothing at all just because I got scared when the attendee shouted at me. Yes, call me a wimp or a sissy I’ll take it. I remember a day I went to the ATM and the queue was so long, dark skins glistening with sweat as people boiled of impatience. I recall the lady ahead of me having a hard time with the machine and oh God! The shouts and insults rained on her were so alarming. When it got to my turn and I realised I was going to have to withdraw about four times, I chickened out after the first withdrawal when someone made a snarky comment. Well I felt so disappointed in myself because I later had to walk a distance under the blazing sun to find an ATM that had less people.

This was nothing compared to what I faced the first time I travelled on my own as a minor. Picture this, a 14 year old child with about 4 massive boxes and a school bag. I was a mess! But I was unbothered since as a minor I was assigned to an attendee, boy was I wrong. This lady practically shouted at me for being slow and lost me in the crowd. My boxes fell down the staircase and she was nowhere to be found.

I guess this was when it first dawned on me. I couldn’t blame any of these people because I started to picture myself in their shoes. Some of these people had dreams just like we all do and all of a sudden they are the people you call when you want to decide what perfume to pick. But it also challenged me, because I figured in as much as we might not be where we pictured ourselves and hard truth is we might never fully actualise that picture, the key thing is to always find joy in the little things.

Value life in its most petite form, embrace opportunities and live every moment to the fullest. I know this sounds farfetched but the more I see “RIP” signs around the more I realise how little I have focused on things that matter and how much importance I have placed on trivial things. The scariest part is that living in a generation like ours where everyone is dreaming for a future so bright it shames the sun, it’s so easy to overlook details. We forget that a tooth is what multiplies to form a smile. Hey, hit the pause button of your life right now, stretch out your legs, let down your hair, close your eyes and just smile. Smile while you still got teeth, a smile so hot it burns your cheeks.

The journey to becoming an adult is a tedious process. First we had to deal with physical development, watching our bodies change and developing adaptive responses to those changes, coupled with all the emotional imbalances and the not-so-sweet process of self-discovery. We then began to get comfortable with who we were growing to become. Fast forward to a few years later, we are fresh out of teenage-hood and the reality slaps us on our faces; “WE ARE YOUNG ADULTS!!”.

This stage constitutes a formidable determining factor of what our futures would look like. At this point our needs are ever on the increase, and our funds, well, they never seem to be enough. Yes, yes, there’s the monthly allowance that mom and dad pumps into our bank accounts at the end of every month, but honestly though, just how much can that do? For an answer, not much. So in between constantly complaining that we are BROKE and blowing up our parent’s phones for additional funds, we slowly begin to open our minds to the gnawing reality “WE CAN’T DEPEND ON OUR PARENTS FOREVER”. For some of us, it takes us a while to get out of our comfort zones of free food, shelter, monthly allowances and other conveniences to the real world where we have to fend for ourselves and for others, it takes them less time. We begin to drive ourselves hard and find a way to at least provide some necessities for ourselves

The funny thing about growing up into the world of money and finance is that for many of us, financial education was something we weren’t exposed to probably because our parents were too busy trying to make ends meet and provide a better life for us. Regardless of this financial illiteracy, there is an expectation on us to learn how to create a cash flow and manage our finances, whether our allowances or our salaries. Some of us may get really great allowances or even have good paying jobs but before the end of the month, we still manage to end up broke. We must understand that income doesn’t guarantee wealth. Yes, income is an important component of wealth but what surpasses it is great financial intelligence and management of funds, without this, you would get broke over and over and over again regardless of how much comes in.

It is important that we do not solely depend on our parents for everything and to achieve that we need to think of ways we can make money for ourselves. For those of us that are still thinking of ways to bring our own money in, we can start our journeys to financial independence by having a scale of preference which will enable us cut down on frivolous spending, and also by imbibing the culture of saving. SAVE, SAVE, SAVE! DON’T LIVE ON A RED ACCOUNT, DON’T GET STRANDED!

Folks, if by this time, you still do not know that you are required to be financially independent, then hold on for a bit, your parents will soon educate you on that, directly or indirectly. We all need to get up and get out of our comfort zones and face the reality of life. It’s time to GET YOUR MONEY RIGHT!

I hope you had a lovely read!

Yes, I am a big believer in planning for the future and having things figured out but No, I am not a fan of the societal pressures of downloading your life’s blueprint like there’s a website we are all unconsciously subscribed to. But then maybe there is and in that case I guess some are already making maximum use of their subscription. Personally, I’m as lost as a needle in a sea. ( if that metaphor makes any sense).

Funny how this so called pressure never bothered so many people and we all lived by the phrases “let the wind guide you” and “follow the tides” until our ships hit the iceberg and we were all strong armed into sitting in one place and trying not to go crazy. For an introvert like me this lockdown was just another star on my crown of laziness, while for hyper active and extroverted people it was and still is a thorn in their
flesh.

It was all routine for me, wake up, drag my feet around, stuff my face with food and sleep off while trying so hard to complete an episode of the Korean series Doctors. This worked out peachy until I woke up to the world where most of my friends were either C.E.Os or had laid the foundation for their dreams either by taking online classes and some even authored books. Trust me it felt amazing, seeing all these
people taking control of their life and finally drifting in acceptance to social medias motivational words of “ don’t let this lockdown pass without changing your way of thinking” and “ if you don’t make it now you will never have such an opportunity”. Maybe those sentences were meant to paddle us through a
sea of opportunities where we could let down our nets and grab what was ours, but for me they were weighty.

One moment I’ll sit down to put everything into perspective and slowly I’ll drift into the realm of writing an exaggerated and better ending to the movie I had just watched. I guess it was my inability to board the ship of go-getters that slowly planted the seed of jealousy and maybe a little doubt as to what the future truly held for people like me who wore un prescribed myopic lenses.

Don’t worry I’m not going to tell you there’s still time to figure things out cause it turns out the world has been thrown in a fast forward mode and we are basically marionettes and as scary as it seemed when this year started, it is true that this decade is “THE DECADE”. Personally, this pinch in the side is what moved the hand to the keypad into starting this blog alongside one of my best friends after years of pep talks and shying away from the pen. Gradually, I’ve come to realise that no one has it all mapped out and as much as social media has made us believe that some people were born with their blueprint in hand, no one really does. Of course,
many have an image of what they want to be and are eager to take steps towards it which is all shades of great. However, my fellow myopic birds, let go of the pressure, be tenacious, ease out of the enforced status quo and quietly find your path at your comfortable pace until you can fly free. So although we are all on an unannounced traffic red sign remember there’s a shade of yellow before we all GO

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton